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    A decade ago, that would have meant social suicide.A month or so into our new affair, I headed out of town for a three-week trip to Japan.This is all to say that when Ryan’s behavior became increasingly flaky upon my return, my typical response would have been to simply end things.Instead, I felt something rising from the depths of my person, something that encouraged me to throw emotional intelligence to the wind.Everything about him was so awkwardly romantic; so unlike his snot- and pot-covered peers. My sweat-stained cardigans, cyst-speckled face, and lack of a fake ID existed as constant reminders that I was romantically useless to anyone, especially him.Of course, as is usually the case with these stories, the years passed, the Accutane worked its magic, and I learned that only the worst kind of people truly enjoyed high school.In order to cope with this stress, an individual reverts to (typically negative) patterns of behavior from an earlier period in their lives, when the stressor didn’t exist or was easily assuaged by an authority figure, like a parent or teacher.When a student storms out of class after receiving negative feedback on a project, for example, perhaps they are regressing to a time when they were young and more constantly praised for their intelligence.

    I posted sexy pictures on Instagram with captions asking about the whereabouts of a single decent man in this cold world, then followed them up with cryptic tweets and meandering blog posts about my loneliness.I couldn’t help but feel entitled to a romance for which I had literally waited years, and I wasn’t ready to give up on my teenage fantasies of having Thom Yorke officiate my wedding to this man — which meant that I’d pile on the drama if it kept the weak flame between us flickering.I was going to be loved, even if it meant I had to throw the world’s most passive-aggressive tantrum.Anyone watching from afar must have seriously questioned my stability.It was dangerous how effective these techniques were at conjuring a fresh text from Ryan.

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